Can't Come Back - Chapter 23

Berlia dashed back to the mansion, cleaning up her unkempt blue gown. It was difficult to continue attending the celebration. His unexpected arrival, and the relationship that ensued. It was unexpected when they initially became connected, especially when he barged into the Libela costume room’s changing room. But, unlike now, he had never taken it upon himself to have a relationship without her explicit approval.

What do his behaviors imply?

‘He came to me after being with the princess, which indicates…’

Berlia believed Cain had satisfied his desire to possess Claudia. 

Despite this, she was unable to drive Cain away. Even if she couldn’t have his heart, she was content with the fact that she had a physical connection with him.

It was plainly so until just a moment ago.

Berlia, on the other hand, was increasingly becoming hungry. Despite her best efforts to convince herself that she shouldn’t be wounded, that she should be sensible, she was. She was dissatisfied with the situation as it was. She desired his heart. She wished to be Princess Claudia, the object of Cain’s affection.

‘Can I truly be this happy?’

Berlia questioned herself.

Could she be satisfied if she continued for three months without his heart, having a relationship for pleasure, and went back to being between her sister-in-law and brother as before? Could she attend Cain and Claudia’s wedding?

Could she have a 30-year marriage with just three months of memories, as she initially imagined?

‘…That is not feasible.’

Her lips twitched with a sneer at herself. In truth, the query was unnecessary. How is it even possible? Any connection that lacks the heart of the person being loved and just intertwines bodies is painful for everyone. Furthermore, it was a temporary relationship that was about to terminate, so she couldn’t be joyful.

The response was ‘no’. She didn’t believe she’d ever be happy.

‘Now what shall I do…’

Berlia breathed a sigh. She wasn’t presented with many alternatives.

To keep this transient friendship with Cain going, even if merely as a substitute for Claudia. Or to call it quits right now.

She had to pick between these two options. If the current scenario was too much for her, the only option was to straighten out her peculiar relationship with Cain immediately.

‘But to keep my sentiments hidden for the rest of my life and confront Cain as a sister-in-law…’

Wasn’t it too painful to bury the feelings she’d been carrying for three and a half years on her own? It was selfish, but couldn’t she just tell him how she felt and give up?

Of course, because she would have to see Cain every day, it was obvious that speaking her opinion would be difficult. But if this relationship is going to end in three months anyhow… ‘Perhaps it’s best to tell him everything and work it out.’

Berlia arrived at that conclusion.

Berlia decided the next day that she should inform Cain about her thoughts that night and make a decision. She thought she would be sincerely sorry if Deon returned as things were, without expressing the emotions she had suppressed.

‘To tell Cain that I like him…’

It was something she could never have imagined. A confession made while knowing she would be rejected. She couldn’t help but be apprehensive and afraid.

Knock knock– The sound of banging on the door was heard next. Berlia’s eyes were drawn to the entrance.

“Madam, your younger brother has arrived.”

“Oh, yes, that’s right.”

Berlia reacted as though she had just remembered Betty’s comments. Ransel Kinderton, her younger brother, was due to pay her a visit today.

“I’ll be down there soon.”

“Understood.”

Berlia finished getting dressed and headed down to the reception room where Ransel was waiting, having forgotten about Ransel’s visit owing to the craziness of the royal ball and the troubles with Cain.

“It’s been quite a while, sister.”

Their previous meeting had been around a half-year ago. Ransel Kinderton, her brother, was due to marry the young lady of Baron Eagon. If Berlia hadn’t been a duchess, this marriage would have been impossible to arrange.

“You look nice, Ransel. How are our parents?”

Ransel was dressed in opulent attire, in contrast to previous occasions.

“Of course, it’s all because of you. After all, aren’t you the Duchess of Hildeiden?”

Ransel burst out laughing. Berlia felt a great weight on her shoulders as she looked at him.

‘I can’t damage my family’s happiness…’

Her connection with Cain was, indeed, improper. It was a romance that should never have begun in the first place. It was time to call it a day. In fact, keeping their romance a secret for three months seemed weird from the beginning. While Deon was away from the estate, she was undoubtedly put to use.

Not only Berlia, but also Cain, would be dragged down into the pit if their romance was found by others. And she wouldn’t be able to keep her title as Duchess of Hildayden for much longer. Deon couldn’t stand by and watch his wife have a sexual connection with his own brother.

‘Would it also be too much to tell him I adore him…’

Her decisions had resulted in no satisfaction. Accepting Deon’s proposal was difficult for her since she couldn’t get rid of her love for Cain. It was also terrible to begin a covert romance with Cain since she couldn’t capture his heart.

Then possibly the option to confess to him is already fixed as the incorrect answer.

It was then that Berlia had that thought.

“Sister, is there something going on?”

“Huh?”

Ransel was concerned as he stared at Berlia.

“You appear less healthy than the last time I saw you. Tell me if something is bothering you.”

“No, where would I have any difficulties? Nobody is bothering or ignoring me, the Duchess of Hildayden.”

Berlia tried to grin, but Ransel appeared to realize that she was thinking about something.

“Sister. Mom and Dad are concerned about you as well. It’s been three years, but they’re frightened you haven’t acclimated to being the mistress of such a wonderful family. They are concerned that because you are descended from a baronet’s family, you would be looked down upon by counts and marquesses.”

Berlia could not reject it after hearing Ransel’s statements. It was exactly what her parents and Ransel had feared.

“Do whatever you want, no matter what the problem is.”

“What? But…”

Berlia was unable to continue. She may not be a duchess if she did what she wanted.

“First and foremost, consider yourself. It’s fine if family comes second.”

“Ransel…”

“You’ve gone through enough up to this point. Just getting this far is enough to be thankful for. Of course, our parents share our sentiments.”

Berlia’s eyes were welling up with tears. But she fought hard not to let them fall. Ransel stood there silently holding both of his sister’s hands.

“No one will blame you, even if our family suffers as a result of your decisions.”

Through his touch, she felt bravery rush into her. Berlia chose to confide with Ransel about her concerns. For the first time, she was telling someone her secret.

“Ransel, actually, I’m not getting along with my husband.”

Ransel’s face stiffened as she said.

“…What?”

Ransel was not pleased to learn that his sister, who had just been married for three years, was not getting along with her husband.

Berlia gulped uneasily when she saw his look. If this was his reaction to her not getting along with her spouse, how would he react if she started seeing someone else?

‘Especially when I tell him he’s my husband’s brother…’

Berlia felt nervous, but she had already resolved to express her emotions. If she couldn’t tell her own brother, it would be even more difficult to tell the person in question.

She was going to inform him that she liked someone else, and that person’s name was Cain.

“Didn’t the Duke of Hildayden love you enough to send you a letter in the middle of the night?”

But when Ransel said something else, Berlia found herself at a loss for words.

“A letter?”

“How come you don’t remember? The one I previously gave to you…”

Berlia remembered the letter Ransel had given her three and a half years before. The envelope bore no sender or receiver information, only the Hildayden family seal.

Naturally, Ransel and Berlia assumed that the person who forwarded the letter was Deon. This was due to the fact that immediately after receiving that letter, Berlia received a marriage proposal from Deon.

“…That’s exactly right.”

There was no particular information in the letter. It wasn’t out of love for Berlia. It was straightforward. Just the writer’s mundane daily existence and the desire to have a face-to-face talk the next time.

‘It might be.’

Berlia’s mind was racing with ideas.

‘Now that I think about it, my spouse writing the letter…’

Ransel was unable to attend Berlia’s wedding at the time. It coincided with his entry ceremony to a Hildayden-sponsored academy. Ransel had no idea what Dean looked like.

‘What if the person who handed Ransel the letter is not the same person as my husband…?’

Ransel had never seen Dean’s face. He just assumed Dean had handed him the letter based on the circumstances. But what if that guess was incorrect? What if the person who handed Ransel the letter wasn’t Dean, but maybe, just maybe…. 

“Ransel, who gave you the letter?”

“What? Isn’t that the Duke of Hildayden? The one with the dark green hair and the dark green eyes. Even as a man, I felt he was really attractive…”

Berlia’s eyes welled up with surprise. Deon had dark brown eyes and black hair. Dean was not that person. Dark green hair and dark green eyes. That looked exactly like Cain.