Can't Come Back - Chapter 34

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Berlia was very scared.

Berlia liked Cain. She cared for him. She couldn’t have been happier to be with him. She thought about giving her whole life to this love. But now that she was in this position, Berlia could only shake with fear. It was way too scary. Did Berlia’s love for Cain not seem to be enough? That wasn’t it, though. Even without that, it was a problem. She wasn’t strong enough to handle how people looked at her.

Thud.

She fell to the ground. Cain knelt down to meet her eyes.

“Cain, what should I do?”

The sound of Berlia’s crying could be heard. Cain’s heart was in pain. He could understand why she was worried about the scary day when the baby, whose father couldn’t be sure if it was his or his brother’s, would be born.

If it was going to make her this sad, maybe they shouldn’t have been together in the first place. But Cain thought that even if he could go back in time, he would still choose the same thing. Even though it was selfish, he wanted to look like this into her eyes.

“What do you think, Berlia, about having the baby?”

“Have… Have the baby?”

When Cain spoke out of the blue, Berlia turned her head to look at him. Cain’s eyes were just as serious as ever.

“It doesn’t matter to me if the baby is my brother’s.”

“…What?”

“If you gave birth to the child, I can love it no matter whose it is. Berlia, you don’t need to worry about me.”

Cain wrapped his arms around Berlia.

“But if the child is really yours, Cain…”

“And even if it is my child, it will definitely look like my brother in some ways. As long as our relationship is kept secret, no one will think anything is wrong. Berlia, don’t worry too much.”

Cain and Dean’s hair and eyes were not the same color. But their parents gave birth to them at the same time. It wasn’t strange that someone down the line, someone will look like Cain. If they were careful, there would be no reason to think they were up to something.

“Rather, think of all the good things that come with having a child.”

Cain kept making her feel better.

“Even if my brother comes back, he will remember you better if you have a child. You could be called the mother of the child who will become the next duke. Also, just because you have a child with my brother doesn’t mean you have to stay in touch with him.”

Berlia’s heart slowly calmed down as she sat in Cain’s arms and listened to what he said. As he said, there were good things. In her heart, she started to feel like things might be okay. Cain was to blame.

“I couldn’t sleep for 3 years whenever you were with my brother. You have no idea how much I hated myself because I wasn’t with you.”

Cain spoke in a serious way. She could tell he was being honest.

“I thought I wouldn’t be able to make it through those days. But I now know that we both love each other.”

Cain went on after taking a moment to catch his breath.

“And I won’t have to endure sleepless nights because of our love, Berlia, it makes me happy.”

Cain turned his head to look into Berlia’s eyes. He had let go of her, so he didn’t have as much strength in his arms.

“Don’t you feel exactly the same?”

Berlia felt tears well up in her eyes.

“Sob, sob…”

“That’s why I wish you’d tell me everything. I want to take care of your problems.”

“Sob, sob…”

“Berlia, it looks like I always make you cry.”

“No, no… sniff…”

Cain gave Berlia a quick kiss. He could taste salt. Cain touched her face gently. He couldn’t help falling in love with her. She was so lovely. He hoped she would stop crying so much.

This is how thankful Berlia was to Cain. She felt bad that she had thought about keeping it from him. Because she didn’t seem to trust him. Because she thought he might pull away from her because she had a child with someone else.

“Cain, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

But now, she wouldn’t doubt him anymore. The tears Berlia shed brought them closer together.

When Berlia decided to have the baby, it made her heart feel a lot better. Even though she still had some fear, Cain had made her heart feel a lot lighter. Berlia stroked her stomach.

“But I still hope it’s your baby.”

All things considered, if it was Cain’s child, the situation would be more difficult. If it was Dean’s child, the most important thing was to feel bad for Cain. Everything else was clear. Even so, Berlia hoped that the baby growing inside of her was Cain’s, whom she loved.

“Berlia. What do you have on your mind?”

Cain asked Berlia after they had gone up to the attic at some point.

“My husband is coming home soon. Should I tell him I’m pregnant right away? I have no idea what he will do. I think it’s fine, but I keep having these thoughts. What will be different in 30 days? Also, it’s scary.”

“Then, shouldn’t we enjoy this month’s gifts more?”

Cain put his arms around Berlia. Then he kept going.

“Don’t worry about it. My brother won’t notice anything, so he’ll probably be happy to hear that his wife is pregnant.”

“Really? I really am scared, though. On the other hand, Cain, I’m glad you found out. I don’t know why I tried to keep it a secret.”

This place was where the two hid out in secret. Berlia and Cain couldn’t have a normal relationship, so they had to be aware of how people were looking at them at all times. They were always looking around to see if anyone was there and worried that someone else would show up when they were together.

Because of this, they always met each other in their rooms. Even that wasn’t safe, though, because the workers were always moving around.

Then Cain told Berlia about this room. It was like a playground where Cain used to play when he was young, but no one in the house went there anymore.

“It will all be fine. And I want to give this place to our soon-to-be-born child.”

“Our…child?”

Berlia had hoped that Cain was the father of the baby growing inside her, but it felt different to hear it from his mouth.

“If it wasn’t our child, whose would it be? I think it’s the baby we made together.”

Even if it was Dean’s child, they wouldn’t have to think about anything, even though it would be sad. Berlia still hoped it was Cain’s, though. And Cain had the same feeling.

“Honestly, I also thought that I would be happy if this child was yours.”

She felt strange. Her heart felt full. Berlia had a smile on her face. She felt like she remembered all the reasons why she loved him.

“It will definitely be our child. Shouldn’t we just believe so?”

“Is there any way to know after the baby is born?”

Even if the child looked a little like Cain, since Cain and Dean were brothers, most people wouldn’t think much of it as long as their relationship wasn’t made public. Berlia was curious about who the child’s father was.

“It’s likely that the only way to know for sure is to guess based on how things look.”

“I feel a bit sad. I know this isn’t how I should be thinking…”

She wished she had been pregnant with the brother of his husband. On its own, this was a huge mistake. She knew this, but she couldn’t do anything about how she felt. Cain changed the subject when Berlia made a mean face.

“Then, do you want to name the baby first?”

“Naming?”

“The child already has nicknames before it is born. Shouldn’t the child have a name that only the two of us can use? We can’t go on without giving the baby a name forever.”

The name of the child. As soon as Berlia heard that, she knew she was going to be a mother.

“Will the baby be a boy? Or a daughter?”

“Either is fine with me. It would be nice to have a son to take on the family name. It would also be great to have a beautiful daughter who looks like you.

“… Is… It seems odd in some way. How it feels to become a parent…”

“Most of the time, the parents choose a name for their child. Berlia, did your parents give you your name?”

He asked her what her name was. Berlia opened her mouth and thought back to what her mother had said.

“My mother gave me my name. In the language of the nearby country of Tasilbron, the word ‘Berla’ means ‘joy.’ She said they gave me that name because my birth made my parents very happy.”

“You are also my greatest joy, so it seems like your parents gave you the best name.”

Cain’s words made Berlia’s face turn red. Cain always talked smoothly, which made her feel stupid. People who knew Cain as a quiet, reasonable person who didn’t say much would be surprised by this.

Berlia didn’t know what to say back, so she said in a low voice, “I’m glad you said that.” Then, all of a sudden, she wanted to know what Cain’s name meant, so she asked him.

“How about your name, Cain? Does it mean anything?”

“My parents gave me my name, but I’ve heard that it doesn’t mean anything.”

When Cain replied, Berlia shook her head and said right away,

“No, it doesn’t mean nothing. At least for me, nothing makes me think of you more than your name.”

“…”

Cain looked surprised when she said what she did. He didn’t say anything for a moment. Berlia got a little worried when she saw how he reacted, so she called out to him in a soft voice.

“…Cain? Uh…!”

Cain’s lips covered Berlia’s, so she couldn’t say anything else. Berlia’s mouth was touched by Cain’s tongue.

“Hmm…”

As they kissed more, his tongue wrapped around hers. Sometimes, their lips would part, and they could see where their tongues met.

“Haah…”

Their mouths opened. Berlia had saliva on her lips. Cain looked at her lips, then moved his gaze to her eyes and spoke.

“I find it hard to leave you alone when you say things like that. Moreover…”

Cain took a short break. Berlia kept quiet while he talked.

“They say it’s good for the baby, Berlia, if you keep having sexual relations early on in your pregnancy.”

“What the heck?”

As soon as Cain was done talking, he moved his face closer to the startled Berlia. Berlia was surprised by Cain’s words, but she couldn’t say no to his touch just because they were out of the blue. She felt the same way she did when she thought he didn’t love her back.

He reached his hand under her clothes. She shivered as he touched her waist.