The Male Lead Is Obsessed With Proposing to Me - Chapter 80

74. 74. When the black stagnant water flows

This is precisely what made Senelia feel unsettled about Benelucia.

Honestly, she thought he was angry with her.

In the end, Senelia was the one who grew upset with Benelucia in the carriage and left. However, if he was concerned about that, it was odd that he avoided her.

Though she hadn’t admitted it, Senelia ended up blaming him for the carriage incident.

Objectively, Benelucia was a person who would have no regrets even if he discarded her at any moment.

Senelia was likely the only one among his adversaries who felt offended in this manner.

He and Lucalina had fairly mutual feelings for each other, and the male lead probably didn’t care much about the grievances of the lovers Benelucia had before Senelia.

Furthermore, the beginning of Senelia and Benelucia’s relationship was due entirely to Cliff’s manipulation right from the very start, and now Benelucia was also aware of it.

So perhaps… Wouldn’t Benelucia prefer to have an uncomplicated relationship now?

While he avoided Senelia, these thoughts burgeoned within her.

Senelia did not possess the ability to discern Benelucia’s true intentions without confronting him.

She wasn’t an optimistic person either.

And so, plagued with thoughts that she toxically churned in her gut, it became only natural for her worries to mount.

However, by having my maid relay information about my daily life, to some extent, is it alleviating my frustration and anxiety about not being able to confront each other directly?

Truly, it was an exceedingly repugnant act.

However, despite Senelia’s inquiry, Benelucia remained silent for a long time, as if he had suddenly been rendered speechless.

“If you don’t wish to speak, then don’t.”

So, heeding his silence, Senelia deliberately spoke harshly once more.

“Well, it’s not like it matters much. Afterall, what could His Highness possibly be curious about regarding me? You must have heard everything through the maid. I wonder if you’re still concerned about me acting like His Majesty’s pawn.”

Senelia no longer felt comfortable referring to herself as the emperor’s pawn.

It had been 8 years.

Ample time to erode away my shame and pride as a human being.

In the end, the facts are facts.

Being likened to Cliff’s dog, it wasn’t the worst experience. 

I’ve endured far worse.

Cliff de Helios was a man who didn’t hesitate to treat Senelia as barely human, and this only worsened each time Benelucia showed affection for Lucalina.

Everytime he showed his preference to the female lead, the emperor had less need of her existence. 

When Benelucia orchestrated his first scandal to test me, oblivious to everything, I…

Senelia, pondering to that extent, set down the silverware with both hands.

My appetite vanished in an instant.

That day, she discovered for the first time the plight of the women from the lowest echelons, dwelling among the forsaken in the back alleys.

Forced to witness it all day long, with no ability to retaliate.

Even animals lived better lives than they did.

At any moment, Cliff de Helios could have reduced Senelia to such a state.

It was a warning.

Should she be discarded by the Grand Duke, her little life would come to an end. 

In that sense, the emperor made Senelia feel grateful that she could at least be his dog.

Thus, she had no qualms about identifying as such.

“Are you going to persist with that line of thought?”

Benelucia didn’t appear to be relenting as his demeanor was entirely aloof.

“So, what am I supposed to think?”

Yet, Senelia, too, maintained her composure.

After a very long time in obedience and submission, Senelia felt a spark to fight back. 

Her perception of Benelucia as merely repulsive gradually evolved into something else.

It was sorrowful.

The reason she could confront him like this was simple.

She knew why Marianne had been dispatched to her.

Benelucia fretted over Senelia.

Without that truth, she wouldn’t be able to confront him.

Because then I’d have to fear being forsaken by Benelucia, just like every other time we made progress.

He had always been this way.

When Benelucia created a scandal, when he distanced himself for Lucalina, and when his lieutenant Arante mentioned Lucalina despite Senelia’s presence… At each of those moments, he didn’t offer Senelia a single explanation.

What she did afterward didn’t really matter to him.

Every time Benelucia remained silent, like this time, it was a silent command for Senelia to leave. 

Senelia didn’t even know when Benelucia had begun to love her, as he was the one who had the power to treat her like that.

So, how could Senelia, who desperately needed Benelucia, ask a question that could be real when it was all just imagination?

His silence was extremely terrible to her. It signaled the end to something she had no way of opposing. 

Could it be that Benelucia, who was actually claiming to genuinely love me, had received reports about my daily life like this once or twice after our previous break ups?

Senelia went through such times alone and forgotten, and the thought of him feeling relieved in this way every time made her feel uncomfortable.

Because Senelia could never have the ability to do the same. 

“Sally, don’t you know me better?”

A look of disappointment appeared on Benelucia’s face.

He had pondered countless times about what he should do after Senelia alighted from the carriage.

However, Benelucia was born to be a compassionate person, not an understanding one.

It was something he couldn’t help.

He could never think from her perspective because Benelucia was a person who others had to understand, and not a person who needed to understand.

So Benelucia’s arrogance made him reveal the disappointment that came to his mind right now rather than the worries he had been pondering for several days.

However, Benelucia could never be okay with either.

How could Senelia think that I would regard her as the emperor’s dog?

No matter how much Senelia couldn’t completely believe in his love, she thought it was an excessive distrust.

A feeling of disappointment flooded Benelucia.

One person was sad, the other was also sad. 

There was no way the conversation could go well.

“How should I know, His Highness the Grand Duke?” 

Senelia lowered her gaze and answered in her characteristic calm tone.

I couldn’t sense even a trace of her emotion in that tone of voice. She’s forever hiding how she truly feels from me. 

Only now did he realize that he loved her, but before that, Senelia was not someone who could bother him.

Nor someone who he gave a second thought or concern.

Her silence and calm was groomed and fed by his disinterest and lack of care. 

She couldn’t ask Benelucia for an explanation or for basic communication,  all she could do was look at his feelings and find out for herself.

However, it was Benelucia who avoided Senelia and prevented her from even doing that.

So how could I know him?

“I’m the one who doesn’t know what to do with you, Sally.” 

Benelucia said, hating Senelia’s tone.

Even now, she never said a word about her feelings.

When Senelia spoke in such a calm tone, it was difficult for him to detect even a trace of her emotions.

Senelia has now completely taken her hands off the table.

I want to leave. It’s not like we have the appetite to continue this dinner. 

I couldn’t even think of asking Benelucia why he was trying to take care of me while avoiding me.

At the table where only each other’s hurt feelings were exchanged, the conversation they were supposed to have had lost its essence.

“Sally, what are you doing now?” 

As Senelia stood up from her seat, Benelucia’s expression became even more determined.

Even after seeing him like that, she still maintained a calm tone as she replied in a neutral tone.

“I’m going to stay at the townhouse for a while.”

Screech.

“Sally!”

Unlike Senelia, who got up silently as usual, Benelucia leaped from his seat as a loud scrape rang through the restaurant.

Of course, no one considered such lack of conduct important at that moment.

“When I go, I tell His Highness the Grand Duke, and he tells me to go, so I follow what he dictates.”

“Do you really think I told you to go to the townhouse?”

“So now you’re not going to let me go anywhere with my own feet?”

Sharp words passed between Senelia and Benelucia, each a blade meant to draw blood.

When she questioned Benelucia, she didn’t intend to go this far.

When he answered Senelia’s call, he had some expectations for a warmer evening.

But everything got messed up, and the knot I was trying to untie got even more twisted.

Benelucia approached her with long strides.

His hand grabbed Senelia’s wrist.

As a swordmaster, Benelucia did not need to worry about Senelia’s ability to avoid his hand, rather, Senelia was only capable of staring back at him with a calm gaze. 

“What are you going to do if I don’t let you go anywhere?”

In an instant, Benelucia’s voice darkened.

Senelia wouldn’t know what she could do.

The truth is that every time she leaves my arms, I don’t want to hold on to Senelia and beg her to stay. I’ve always had one, all-powerful urge… I want to keep her locked up with me.

Unable to leave me, even if she wanted to. 

However, the reason Benelucia did not go that far was that Senelia was always within his sphere of influence, even if not in his heart.

Benelucia couldn’t have said what he would have done if she hadn’t accepted and rejected his proposal until the end.

But he hoped that Senelia would stop here.

However, if there is something that Benelucia overlooked, it was that Senelia was a person who knew her situation more accurately than anyone else and therefore had no hesitation in throwing her dignity away. 

She could easily adapt her plan to the situation. 

“Then, do as the Grand Duke wishes.”

And Senelia now knew exactly how to attack Benelucia and rile him up. 

“Well, if His Highness says he will do as he wishes, then what can I do?”

Senelia continued without any emotion. 

“After all, this subject has to always remain polite and submissive to the mighty Grand Duke, His Highness.”

For Benelucia, having that power over Senelia’s life and death was nothing.

So if he wanted her to, she had to act pretty, bowing to his command without so much as a squeak.

…But this is no different from the way Cliff trampled Senelia.

The moment the thought occurred to him, Benelucia’s hands lost strength.

And just like that – Senelia slipped out of his grasp.