Can't Come Back - Chapter 33

Discord Server: Hush Mittens

TW: DEPICTION OF ABORTION

At the same time, Cain went to her room with a worried look on his face.

‘Is she sick to the point that she can’t eat?’

Cain knocked on Berlia’s door because he thought he would have to call a doctor right away if she was in bad shape.

Knock knock—The knocking was repeated, but there was no sound coming from the room. Cain thought that something didn’t seem right.

“Hello, Berlia. Are you here?”

He tried to let her know he was there, but she didn’t answer. Could she be in bad shape? Cain was scared, so he opened the door on his own and went inside.

Swish! The door opened, and Cain saw Berlia. 

She was lying on her side and curled up in the corner of the bed. It seemed like Betty was telling the truth when she said she didn’t feel well.

“Berlia. I heard you weren’t feeling well, are you okay?”

The sound of Cain’s voice was full of worry. He walked over to her and sat on the bed.

“You should still eat something, because it might help, Berlia.”

The voice of Cain came from behind her, but she couldn’t turn around to face him. She couldn’t get rid of the thought that Dean might be the father. 

And the fact that he talked to her so lovingly made her feel worse and more sorry for Cain.

“No, no… I’m fine. I just want a little more sleep.”

At this time, she just wanted Cain to go away. So, Berlia said she was sick and lied.

“Do you have no appetite? I’ll bring you some soup then.”

But when Cain said what came next, Berlia felt like she was going to throw up.

“Ugh!”

When he said he would bring soup, she thought about food and felt her stomach turn. She quickly put her hand over her mouth. She didn’t throw up because it was a dry cough.

“Berlia?”

But she had already told Cain about that scene.

‘Oh no, if he figures out that it’s morning sickness…’

Fear grew that he would find out she was pregnant. She couldn’t stop shivering when she was lying down.

Cain was taken aback when he saw her shaking. Given that she was dry heaving and shivering as if her body temperature had dropped a lot, she might be in a very bad way. He spoke to Berlia in an anxious voice.

“Berlia, do you feel really sick? Then I should call the doctor…”

“No! I told you I was fine. I don’t need a doctor!” 

She jumped back in shock.

“No, I’m not joking. I’ll feel better after some sleep, please…, Cain…”

Berlia quickly shook her head.

‘I can’t go to the doctor. Not even close. I’ll be caught right away.’

Cain didn’t know what to do when he saw Berlia acting like that. He wanted to call a doctor right away to get her checked out, but he couldn’t force her if she kept saying no.

“…Okay, fine. If you say so…, you should probably go to sleep now. I’m going to leave. But if you don’t feel better soon, Berlia, I’ll have to call a doctor.”

“…Thank you, Cain.”

Thump.

As soon as Cain left the room, Berlia heard the door close. She was left in the room by herself.

“At this rate, I might go crazy…”

It was more than just being sensitive, even to herself. She was nervous and shaky, afraid that someone would find out. She didn’t want to hurt Cain that way, but she had no choice.

Berlia looked at her stomach, which was still thin. She couldn’t believe she was with a child.

“I need to find a way to end this pregnancy as soon as possible.”

If that didn’t happen, she wasn’t sure how crazy she would get.

On the other hand, Cain thought Berlia was strange today after he left her room. She was so different from how she usually was that it would be strange if no one noticed.

“Why today of all days…” Cain thought Berlia was acting too strangely. There was something off about her. It seemed a bit strange to say that she was sick.

“Something must be going on.”

If she’s not sick, could she or her family have a problem? He wanted to ask her a few more questions, but she didn’t seem interested in talking.

She didn’t leave her room at all, not even in the afternoon. He hoped she would come out, even for a moment, but he couldn’t see her.

* * *

The hallway of the house was dark in the middle of the night. When she opened the door to her room, Berlia walked out slowly. She looked around to see if anyone was watching her. Lucky for us, no one was there.

Berlia made a sneaky move toward a corner of the house.

Step. Step.

“…Is this what we should do?”

Her mind wasn’t sure what to do, but her body kept going. She kept going in the same direction. She finally stopped on a staircase in the castle, which was the least used place in the house. The workers didn’t do a good job of taking care of the place. It was full of spider webs and dust.

“If it’s here, even if it makes noise, nobody will wake up,” she said.

Berlia stood at the top of the stairs from the third floor to the second floor and looked down.

Gulp. She didn’t want to, but she swallowed her spit.

‘Could I do it?’

She could see the stairs from where she was standing. There are more than 15 steps on it. Berlia put her hand on her stomach. Her legs were shaking. It was high. She didn’t do anything wrong, but she had to fall down these stairs on her own. She was too afraid to move forward. She had to, though. She couldn’t think of anything else to do at this point. This baby was something that shouldn’t have come into the world.

‘No, I have to do it.’

Berlia slowly moved her right foot outward. She shut her eyes very tight. She put her hands behind her back to stop herself from instinctively protecting her stomach. Then she put her left foot out and pushed herself forward with all of her weight.

Thud thud- “Ah! Ouch!”

The quiet house was shaken by a loud noise. Berlia tripped and fell down the steps. She felt like she was getting bruises all over her body every time she fell down a step. She bit down hard on her teeth to deal with the pain.

“Ugh…”

After falling down to the second floor, Berlia let out a painful groan.

‘Ouch! That hurts. My whole body hurts, but this isn’t even that bad.’

Only then did Berlia wrap her arms around herself tight. Pain was coming from every part of her body. Her ankle felt sprained. She was sure to have bruises all over her body by the next day. She didn’t care if people thought it was strange.

‘My belly hurts. Is the child gone now?”

Berlia tried to get up, but she couldn’t because her body hurt. She hoped that when she woke up from her sleep, the baby would be gone, no matter how much pain she had to go through. She knew she was thinking something cruel, but she didn’t have a choice. Berlia thought that this was the best way to stop more sadness from happening.

“Berlia!”

That time. Cain showed up out of nowhere and helped her stand up.

“Cain, Cain…?”

Berlia’s eyes were shaking very hard.

‘Did he see? Did he see anything?’

It felt like a hammer had hit her in the back of the head. She was so upset that she didn’t know what to say.

“What is this?”

Cain’s face showed that he was confused. He had been worried about Berlia all night and hadn’t been able to sleep. Even though he knew she wouldn’t come out, he still hung out in the hallway near her room. Then, a loud noise came from somewhere in the house. Even though it was far away, Cain found himself moving toward the sound.

And Berlia was where the sound came from. Cain hurried over and helped her stand up. When Cain saw her face, he knew that his gut feeling that something was strange was right.

“…It wasn’t an accident.”

She wouldn’t have done this if it had been a mistake. He thought she would scream or groan in pain and lean on him. But Berlia looked thrown off. She didn’t even use Cain as a support. It was like she had accidentally told someone something she shouldn’t have.

‘She purposely fell…? But why.’

Cain didn’t get it. It was clear that her strange behavior all day had something to do with it.

Her very worried look, the way she dry-heaved all day, and this thing that made it look like she had fallen down the stairs. Cain’s thoughts went somewhere when all of these things came together. If Berlia was pregnant at the time, it explained everything she did.

“Berlia, you’re not trying to have an abortion, are you?”

“…”

She didn’t say anything. But she didn’t deny it either. It meant to say yes. Cain had her arm in his hand, and it was shaking.

“Is it my baby?”

“I… I’m not sure.”

Cain looked at her and asked, but Berlia tried to keep his eyes off of her. It looked like she was okay with the fact that she had been caught.

“Since this morning, I thought something was strange. But to hurt your body this way, what in the world were you thinking?”

“What else should I have done? What do you want me to do?”

In panic, Berlia yelled back. This was the best way for her. Also, she had accidentally told Cain everything, which was the one person she didn’t want to know. She even showed him that she was trying to get rid of the kid.

Berlia understood why Cain was talking to her like this. She knew that he was upset. But once her feelings came out and started to flow, she had no way of stopping them.

“Why are you doing this? Get a grip on yourself. Berlia!”

“What if it isn’t your baby?! Do you have the guts to watch me give birth to my husband’s child and raise it?”

She screamed out loud. The redness on Berlia’s face was messed up. Her eyes were filled with tears.

“Or, if it’s your child! What if somebody else finds out? I am Duchess Hildayden!”

“Berlia, take a deep breath…”

“Then you and I will both die!”